How to wake up to a beautiful disaster
When I woke up in the middle of the night in my bedroom, I was relieved to be alive.
I felt calm, refreshed, and rejuvenated.
It was one of the happiest days of my life.
I had a dream about my husband’s funeral and I felt more optimistic than ever.
My mind was clearer.
I was able to concentrate more and I had more energy.
It felt like I had less stress.
But it was a very short-lived feeling.
I woke from my nightmare and my husband was gone.
I thought, this is it.
I don’t have to go through this again.
But I was wrong.
I have lived through similar episodes before.
In the past, I would wake up in my bed crying.
But now I know that’s not the right way to feel.
I try to be positive, but I have to be honest with myself that I can’t change anything.
If I think about my own life and my own mistakes, I feel like I’m making my life worse.
But the good news is that I have a plan to change.
I’m on a plan.
I know what I have learned.
My plan is to find my voice and find my happiness again.
In order to do this, I need to learn how to be more assertive.
This is the hardest part of my journey, because I have no confidence in myself.
I can feel this way because I’m an introvert.
My emotions are a little more intense than my peers.
My best friend’s mother is a psychologist and she says, “You are the most beautiful woman alive.”
She has this incredible understanding of what you can and cannot do.
I’ve always been so fearful of what other people think about me.
So I have been trying to hide that fear by being assertive and not being afraid to ask for things.
But that can be hard because it feels like my anxiety is a burden.
It can feel like it’s my fault.
So the truth is, I’m just not confident enough to tell others how I feel.
But my journey is only beginning.
I am really excited to share this journey with my readers.
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